For the Sake of Variety
by AngieWhite
Summary: The Akatsuki leader realises the importance of team work and orders the members to swicth partners with each other.
1. The Beginning

It was raining all around the Akatsuki hideout. Or maybe 'pouring down' would be a better expression. Or 'beating'. The big, heavy drops were falling with an intensity and purposefulness that made one wonder if their biggest ambition in life was to make the earth flat. It was raining inside as well. Or at least dripping, because it wasn't actually a real hideout with a sturdy roof; just some old cave where the Leader had decided they should meet. Nobody had bothered to comment on it and anyway Pain liked the rain (although he himself would never use a word as mundane as 'like').

Anyhow, a group of S-ranked criminals had more important things to think of than a leaky ceiling.

Team work, for instance.

Pain wouldn't have bothered with it, hadn't the only one with enough power to call himself Pain's superior decided that it was an important issue and ordered him to call this meeting. And make everyone come here _in person_.

"Everyone is here." It was neither a statement nor a question. "For the following week you are to switch teams and work with someone other than your regular partner."

Cut straight to the case, never use any excessive words. That was one of the keys to become a successful evil leader. Unfortunately, not everyone in the organisation seemed to understand that, Pain thought as a disapproving murmur followed his words.

"Why do we have to do that?" Hidan demanded.

"Because God says so."

"Jashin-sama didn't mentio-"

"We are," Pain raised his voice slightly to drown out the complaints, "after all," he closed his eyes and remembered Madara's words, "not five different two-man cells, but one, united group. Therefore it is important that you can work with any given member of the organization, if need be. From now Itachi and Deidara will continue Itachi's assignment, Hidan and Kisame will take Hidan's, and Sasori and Kakuzu will do Sasori's. Konan stays with me and Zetsu... you observe the progress."

Zetsu nodded solemnly.

"We're good at that."

"You will all be back here at the same time in a week. That is all. You're dismissed."

The finality in Pain's voice quelled all further objections and there was a moment of busy silence as everyone found their new partner and headed out in the rain again. Zetsu lingered for a while, debating over which pair he should watch first, before finally disappearing into the ground.


	2. Day One

**Day One**

Kisame stared up at the leaden sky, wondering if it would clear up soon. As if to punish him for even thinking the thought, one of the drops collided forcefully with his right eyeball, making him turn his head to the ground again.

"We'd better find a shelter before we get soaked."

His new partner grinned.

"I didn't think you'd mind a little water."

"Why not?" Kisame rubbed his eye absently.

"Well, sharks tend to be fond of it."

"So?"

"Sooo," Hidan rolled his eyes at the apparent denseness of the other man, "you're a shark, you should like water."

"I'm not a shark," said Kisame surprised. "If I was I wouldn't be able to breathe on land."

"Okay, but you _look_ like a friggin' shark, so I was trying to make a joke, but-"

"I don't look like a shark."

"Yes, you do."

Kisame looked suspicious.

"Are you saying that because I'm strangely coloured?"

Hidan stared incredulously at the blue man.

"You're just fucking with me, aren't you?"

"I most certainly am not."

"So you're seriously telling me that no one's ever told you that you look like a shark?"

"Yes."

"Not even Itachi?"

"No."

"Seriously, is he blind or something?"

The raindrops tapped persistently against the roof of the small shrine. The men, or boys, perhaps, seeking shelter there were staring quietly at the greyness surrounding them.

Deidara was thinking about art. _His_ art more precisely, and how to make Itachi recognise it. Practical demonstrations would probably be most effective, and why not start now? It would feel kind of wrong to blow up the shrine, partly because they needed the shelter, but there was a rather sturdy-looking boulder on the other side of the road.

He stuck his hand in one of his bags and started chewing clay. From the corner of his eye he could see Itachi watching him.

After a while he held out his hand and the mouth spat out a lump of clay with a belching noise. Itachi frowned at the sound.

"Charming."

Deidara froze, then shook his head lightly. The rain was making him hear strange things. As if Uchiha Itachi would use a word like 'charming'. He proceeded to shape the clay into a little bird.

"I'm going to show you a sample of my art, mm."

Itachi nodded politely. No, Deidara corrected himself, he _nodded_. Uchiha Itachi did not nod politely.

Opening his hand, Deidara let the bird spread its wings and fly out into the rain.

In a forest clearing, almost protected from the downpour by the massive tree tops, a fire crackled merrily. Its makers were sitting in the light, the new-acquaintance-tension slowly wearing off as they got verbally closer, testing each other's limits and finding similarities and differences.

"I went to Suna once, a long time ago," said Kakuzu thoughtfully. "I fought... it must have been your great grandfather? They called him The First Puppet Master of Suna. A damn fine shinobi, he was. Got a good bounty for him too. No offense."

Sasori shrugged. A seemingly pointless effort, since his new partner couldn't see it inside the puppet, but he felt like it added something to his words.

"None taken. So you're that old, huh?"

Kakuzu chuckled.

"I'm older than that, lad, way older than that."

"Really?" There was a slight hint of curiosity in Sasori's voice. "What kind of technique do you use?"

His partner lifted an eyebrow at the straightforwardness of the question, but did not look offended.

"Well, that's not something I go around telling anyone for free you know."

"I'm not going to steal it, if that's what you think," said the puppet master haughtily. "I have my own methods of preserving life."

Kakuzu looked closely at him.

"Is that so... So what do you say we make a deal?"

"No, it's not just the colour. It's the eyes, the teeth, and those... gills or whatever it is on your cheeks."

Kisame touched his cheek thoughtfully.

"Mother always said it was birth marks."


	3. Day Two

**Day Two**

"Recycling your victim's hearts." Sasori nodded, the gesture once again hid by the puppet, but this time Kakuzu could hear the reluctant approval in his voice.

"Yes, it is quite a useful technique," he said smugly.

"Is there a limit to how many you can have at once?"

"There is actually," admitted Kakuzu. "Five, at the most. But I do find that quite sufficient."

"Yes, what idiot would themselves get killed five times during one fight?"

"Yes, who would?"

Without saying anything, they both made a mental calculation of the number of times their real partners had been killed, or almost killed, five times in the same fight and decided that a change of subject might be good.

"So, how many do you have right now?"

"Four," said Kakuzu, wondering vaguely why he answered that truthfully.

"What happened to the fifth?"

"Hidan has it."

Sasori frowned, trying to get his head around this rather unexpected answer.

"Metaphorically?" he ventured at last.

"Hm? No, quite literally. I chopped his leg off and he got angry and tore it out."

"Really? What did he do with it?"

"I think he ate it."

"Oh."


	4. Day Three

**Day Three**

Three days had passed and Deidara had not yet gotten any sign of recognition from Itachi. As a matter of fact, he hadn't gotten any reaction at all. One might think that all those loud explosions would at least make him blink, but the Uchiha was as impassive as ever. He was acting a bit weird, though. Deidara didn't really know that much about Itachi's personality, but most people have a similar idea of how someone who'd killed his entire clan at the age of thirteen should act. And it was not like this.

On the third morning the rain ceased. Deidara was sitting with his back against the tree under which they'd spent the night, playing absentmindedly with a small chunk of explosive clay, when a voice was suddenly heard behind him.

"The sun's out. How nice."

Deidara started, accidently squeezing the bomb too tightly and causing it to go off in his hand.

"Crap!"

He waved the hand frenetically in the air, trying to cool it off, its mouth coughing and spitting.

"Damn!"

Itachi watched him thoughtfully.

"Do you want a band-aid?"

If he'd said it sarcastically, Deidara could have handled it. He was used to mocking and teasing and bullying, he could defend himself. But the sincerity of the words and proffered band-aid, when it was practically against the rules of the Universe for a psychopath killer to even carry a band-aid; it simply freaked him out.


	5. Day Four

**Day Four**

The Cloud-nins stared at Hidan, terrified. Hidan looked at Kisame, expectantly. Kisame gazed at the Cloud-nins, waiting. After a couple of eventless seconds he turned to Hidan.

"So are you gonna kill them or not? Because if you aren't, I wouldn't mind..."

"I am going to kill them."

"Well, go ahead then."

"But aren't you going to tell me to watch out so I don't die?"

Kisame looked confused.

"But you want to die, don't you?"

"Of course, for Jashin-sama."

"Then what's the point?"

"Kakuzu always says that before I fight."

"So?"

"So just fuckin' say it so we can get on with this!"

"No way."

"Just do as I fuckin' tell you, Sharkman! Ouch!" Hidan stared accusingly at Samehada, which was now sticking out of his side. "That freakin' hurt! Seriously!"

"Just get on with it."

"Do you finance the material for the puppets yourself or is it on the organisation's budget? I mean, it must be rather expensive with the wood and all..."

"Not if you use human puppets. Then you just need a corpse and, as you might know, they're rather easy to come by for free."

Kakuzu chuckled.

"There's no better material than a corpse, eh? But I've never heard of anyone who's used them as puppets before."

"There was some research made on the subject in Suna, but I was the only one who could finish the technique. Used to practice on birds and kittens before I figured out how to do it."

"Then you can make animal puppets as well?"

"Yes, but since they don't have any chakra they're not nearly as strong."

"I see. But still, all the weapons and poisons, who pays for them?"


	6. Day Five

**Day Five**

"They let the Cloud-nins get away."

"_**And I'm hungry..."**_

"Maybe they left some pieces of Hidan."

"_**Hope so. I like Hidan."**_

"Kisame does not. I bet you he's going to kill him at least five times before this week is over."

It was the middle of the night and Deidara was wide awake. He had slept last night and that was a mistake he would not make again. He'd slept peacefully and he'd not been assassinated, but when he woke up, Itachi had made breakfast. For both of them. He'd just been sitting there with his tea, another mug and two sets of rice balls beside him on the grass. He hadn't said a word, but Deidara had been too afraid to do anything other than eat. It had tasted good. And it hadn't been poisoned.

Deidara had then decided that Itachi was doing these things to test his psyche. There was no way that _Uchiha Itachi_ could be this, this _normal_. It had to be some kind of sick test. After coming to this conclusion, Deidara had felt much better and the following evening he'd positioned himself on the most uncomfortable spot he could find, determined to stay awake and avoid further weirdness.

So now he was sitting there, looking at Itachi, who, after some hours of tossing and turning had fallen asleep. He did not sleep with his eyes open. He was lying on his side, one arm under the pillow and his legs pulled up towards the stomach. Deidara shuddered and turned his head demonstratively.

"You're not fooling me," he muttered. "I'm smarter than that, you wait and see... you can't break me..."

Just a few feet away from him, Zetsu shook his head.

"He's losing it."

"_**I wonder if they'll let me eat him if he kills himself."**_

"They probably won't."

"**No. Let's go look at the others."**

"They seem to be getting along well."

"**Sasori's even stepped out of his puppet. He only does that with Deidara."**

"He did it with Orochimaru once too."

"**Yes, but only once."**


	7. Day Six

**Day Six**

Deidara's ambition to stay awake was greatly helped by the three Cloud Jounin that decided to attack their camp a couple of hours before dawn. With his senses already on the edge for any signs of movement from Itachi, Deidara discovered them at once and blew them into pieces in an epic display of fireworks before they'd even had time to react.

The explosion, or possibly the presence of the Cloud-nins, had woken Itachi up and as Deidara stood and admired his work, the Uchiha got up and joined him.

"That's art, mm," said Deidara proudly, taking one small step away from Itachi, just to be on the safe side.

His partner looked at the somewhat scattered remains of the Cloud-nins.

"Fabulous."

Zetsu's head grew out of the ground just outside the ring of light cast by the small fire. His eyes widened in interest at the sight meeting him and he nodded approvingly.

"My, my, this looks interesting."

Sasori was standing with his back towards Zetsu, freed not only from his puppet, but also from his Akatsuki coat. Kakuzu was kneeling in front of him, almost hidden from view.

"Very impressive. How long is it?"

"Ten."

"Really? But a wire like this must be rather expensive..."

"Wire?" said Zetsu questioningly.

"**Let's go around for a better look."**

He sank into the ground, appearing again a few feet to the left, where the entirety of the scene was visible for him.

"A steel wire?" he said, a little disappointed.

"**It's one of Sasori's weapons. What did you think they were talking about?"**

"Kisame, for fucks' sake, what's up with this mist?"

"It's the Hidden Mist Technique."

"I don't care what its name is, just dispel it!"

"No way! This is the finest technique of the village feared as the Village of the Bloody Mist-"

"Well, the bloody mist is making it damn hard to see! Seriously, I have no idea where those goddamn Cloud-nins are! Ouch! See? Now you stuck your sword in me instead!"

"I know."

Sasori ran his hand along the stitches on Kakuzu's chest.

"Hm," he said thoughtfully, "it shouldn't be too difficult to turn this part into a puppet." He drew a circle on the skin with his index finger. "We could install a small senbon launcher, like the one I have in my neck."

"You have one?" said Kakuzu curiously. "Do you mind if I…?"

"Go ahead."

Sasori tilted his head, allowing Kakuzu to lean in and scrutinize the hidden weapon.

"**If I didn't know better, I'd say that looks rather suspicious."**

The couple froze in their positions glancing sideways at Zetsu, who was halfway out of the ground a couple of feet away, grinning widely. They slowly moved their eyes back to each other, taking in Sasori's hand on Kakuzu's chest, Kakuzu's fingers on Sasori's neck and the few inches of air between their naked torsos.

As one man, they stepped away from one another and started to silently put their coats back on.


	8. Day Seven

**Day Seven**

The air around the temporary Akatsuki hideout was bathing in sunlight and vibrating with a heat that made the black coats a most uncomfortable garment. Sasori and Kakuzu were standing at the entrance, the distance between them carefully measured to be as big as possible without looking suspicious.

Despite the heat, Sasori was glad to be inside of Hiruko where he could fidget as much as he wanted without anyone seeing it.

Next to him Kakuzu was standing still as a statue, his gaze fixed on a piece of dry mud in front of him.

Neither of them said a word.

After several painfully silent minutes there was a noise in the forest and Hidan came stomping out, closely followed by Kisame.

"Seriously, what's up with this fucking heat?" he demanded of no one in particular and tramped right up to Kakuzu, holding out his left hand. It was clutching the arm that should have been attached to his right shoulder. "Put it back on."

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"And why is it not on now?"

"Ask Mr. Sharkman."

Kisame scowled at him.

"You watch your mouth or I'll have the other one as well." He turned to Sasori. "Aren't Itachi-san and Deidara here yet?"

"They should be," Sasori growled. "Deidara knows I hate waiting."

"Maybe Itachi flipped and killed him," Hidan suggested grinningly.

"No," said Kisame, "Itachi-san wouldn't do that. He likes Deidara."

At the same moment Deidara appeared on the scene, looking unusually pale and with dark bags under his eyes that could almost match Itachi's. Without a word he stalked right over to Sasori and wrapped his arms firmly around Hiruko's tail.

"Where have you been?" demanded the puppet master, not quite managing to keep a slight note of worry out of his voice. "You know I hate waiting."

"I will never make you wait again, Sasori no Danna, I promise," mumbled Deidara, clutching the puppet as if it was his last hope for salvation.

Sasori glanced at over at Itachi, who was now standing next to his original partner. Had it been anyone other than the Uchiha...

"Come on, Deidara," he muttered, "let's go inside." And he entered the cave, with Deidara shuffling close behind him like a baby elephant holding his mother's tail.

Kisame looked carefully at Itachi.

"What did you do to him?"

Itachi shrugged.

"I thought so," said Kisame, glaring after Deidara as if the blonde had done something to greatly offend him.

The moment Pain entered the cave, he wished he hadn't. There was an even bigger commotion than usual. Kakuzu was busy sewing Hidan's arm back on its right place, while scolding him for letting it get chopped off in the first place. Hidan responded by swearing at either his partner, Kisame or anyone else that would listen. Kisame was waving his big sword threateningly as an answer to the insults, pausing every once in a while to cast an angry look at Deidara, who was sitting in a corner, staring emptily in front of him while Sasori was trying, with increasing impatience, to get an understandable word out of him. Itachi was standing next to Kisame, looking… the word 'downcast' announced its presence in the back of Pain's head, but, seeing the absurdity in that, his sense of logic quickly replaced it with 'like he always did.'

None of his underlings seemed to have noticed him yet. Pain made a quick decision and left the cave before they would. Madara had suggested that they should try every possible mix, but seriously, if he thought it was that important, he could try ordering them himself. As for the results of this week, he could just ask Zetsu.

After realising that the Leader was not going to come to the cave, the Akatsuki members had quickly gone back to their old partners and set off, eager to put as much distance as possible between them.

Itachi and Kisame were walking in silence, both seeming a bit more pensive than usual. Eventually Kisame spoke.

"So, did you have fun?"

Itachi shrugged, then nodded.

"That Deidara was just overreacting, wasn't he? Mm, yes, I thought so. But don't worry, he'll come around... er... by the way, Itachi-san… do you think I look like a shark?"

The Uchiha peered at his partner.

"Yes."

"Really? Why haven't you told me?"

"I thought you knew."


End file.
